i and Tovah have been home alone now for two days and I am totally beat. The reason is not that Tovah is demanding during the day but rather that she wakes up during the night and cries for mommy. The first night she woke up once and cried for 30 minutes but the second night she woke up twice. The first time she fell asleep after 15 minutes of crying but the second time she cried for about 45 minutes and nothing I did helped until she just gave up. This crying for mother is rather exhausting as that makes me feel unsufficient. This together with my current work situation makes it rather hard for me to sleep anything at all. Thus I am very very very very very very tired today.
Yesterday we went to the Norrbottens Museum together with Jalle and Ida. We played there for several hours and afterwards Jalle joined me and Tovah for lunch. Today we had planned to go down to the inauguration of the new bus stop (big thing in a small town) but we were to tired and ended up at home instead. The afternoon we spent baking, the results: one cheese cake, poppers and about 100 bread sticks.
Right now we are watching Bolibompa and I cannot wait until it becomes 20.00 so we can go to bed……..

I am now home alone with Tovah. Johanna has gone to Norway for a few days (back on Monday lunch). Tovah and I are currently watching 102 Dalmations and eating cheez doodles.

I haven’t had the energy to write much here the last days. I have been sleeping very badly and getting woken up at 7 by Tovah. For several nights now I have woken up around 3.00 to 5.00 am and then laying awake for several hours. The issue at hand is, where am I going from here. People around me at the division and at the department have been very supportive which is good. I haven’t changed my mind about the decision, I know it is the right thing, but I am a bit of a coward being afraid of going out into unknown water. I am very sure that I have work (and after all I haven’t resigned yet) no matter what I choose, but will that be something that makes me happy? I currently have two major leads, that are rather different. One obvious is of course me joining Marratech on full time, but I am not really sure I want to do that. I know I have created this situation myself, but it still makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.
Yes, I know, relax, don’t worry. Try to sleep. Life is to short to worry about such unimportant things as work!
Sleep tight everybody!

Earlier I have talked about a decision and it is now official so why not write it here as well. After 4 years employment as senior lecturer at LTU I have come to the conclusion that there just isn’t any room for free research within the Swedish university system. Thus I have decided that I am going to leave my current position as research leader for the Media Technology group. I have not decided yet where I am heading from here and we will see what happens. I am of course very concerned for the people at the division and I don’t just want to leave without a clear situation for the division’s future, but at the same time I won’t stay on forever. Jerker (by boss) didn’t react too negative, almost as if he welcomed my decision.
I told Jerker before lunch today and the rest of my division in the afternoon and it is quite fun to see the different reactions I get from different people. One of my graduate students actually sounded very happy about it and some others went totally quiet.
The unclear situation for myself makes me a bit uneasy but I am certain that it will work out for the best. I have a few leads that I am working on right now.
Well there it is…

I am sitting here getting more and more indifferent about my mission to get a financial overview of the division’s economy. I asked my admin about it almost two weeks ago and said several times in both speech and text what I wanted (one page in the end with plus and minus) but I get over and over excelsheets with tons of details that I don’t care about. Today I sent her a template for what I wanted.
THis stuff really drains my energy…..

I has been a bit quiet here. Today, I have been doing what I like the best, create new things. I got almost the full day for fun stuff and only some boooooooring administrative issues like financial reporting had to be done. Got to meet with the replacement for my last division admin, who is leaving us on Monday. The replacement, Thomas is young and seems eager to learn. Hope it turns out good. The division needs a good admin.
This morning I woke up just before 5.30 (I checked the watch at 5.32) and Anna Lindt left us 5.26. That is a strange coincidence, isn’t it? I feel a bit bad about waking up at 5.30 full of energy and stayed in bed reading until the girls woke up around 7. My current book about Arn, “Vägen till Jerusalem” is really good. Thanks Rolf for getting started on this one (again).
Spent the evening with J in front of the computer. We watched several episodes of 24 season 2 in a row. There is a lot happening in that series. Much more action than in series one.
Tomorrow, I will meet with my boss Jerker for a general future talk…. and in the evening I have a date night with J. Guess which one I look forward too?! Not that I dislike talking with Jerker, it is just that I don’t care anymore about what he has to say. All big issues are still made his way independently of what others say around him. His way, or no way. Why are there so many people like that, especially in management positions?
Oh well, why ponder on such worldly issues when I can get into bed and dream myself away to the 12:th century and the life in “Sweden” at that time. Much more interesting than what is going on at LTU, like people complaining about the bosses (who me?), and trying to find scapegoats for the low number of students applying to the University this year.

J took me out on a date yesterday. We had shrimp and drank Strawberry cider (Swedish cider) and watched Legally Blond 2.
Thank you, it was very very nice 🙂