I am feeling like am going to be sick or something. I have chills in my whole body and feel down. It might be just that I haven’t slept enough lately. Perhaps I will feel better tomorrow as I have planned to attend two concerts. 19.00 Middle ages music and 20.00 there is a concert in the Luleå main church. There is also the Gültzau rock festival going on at the same time. One day at a time….
Good night cruel world.

I just got back from the Computer Club BBQ and I have realized finally that I no longer am a computer nerd. I have suspected this for some time, but it finally hit me. I get so bored with all the pointless computer talk. Anyhow, the food was rather good and I went home early due to feeling a bit dizzy due to my new eye lenses I am testing out. Yes, that is the physical change I was talking about the other day. Now I can be cool with my Ray Ban sun glasses, if there was any sun out that is.

That was nice. Of course it rained a bit on me but it was very relaxing. Just riding along on my bike. It is like meditation for me. I pedal along and forget about where I am. It is a my way of relaxing. I should do it more often (readers, feel free to remind me when I feel down). A quick shower, a shave and I am new man.

Where did the summer go? It is only 14 degrees today and I am heading out for some cycling. A 15 Km high speed round should be perfect. I have unfortunately gained weight again. Too much food.
I stayed up until 0400 reading, woke up at 1000 and continued reading until 1200. Reading is fun but I cannot stay in bed all day, or can I?
Tonight is the Ludd summer party, starting at 17.00. Hopefully there won’t be any rain this afternoon. My friend Håkan and Sara are out paddling in a kayak. Hope they have a splendid time in the cold weather!!!
And too all my readers, I just want to say:

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and for your own sake don’t do everything I do!

Yesterday evening I realized that Johanna is still my love and I want to focus on getting together with her again. Our joint problem has been that we haven’t been talking with each other and during the night I tried to bring up everything I have been holding back during the last years. I did this via a long email (yes I know it is not talking about it but it is a start, right?!) and after I wrote it I felt very good. I felt relieved. Johanna’s worry is that she is not my first choice, but rather something that comes in second place when there is nothing better around. But she is wrong in having that worry. I have now realized that she is the right woman for me and I very eager to try to find that feeling of real love we had for each 12 years ago. I must say that I actually feel very good.
After sleeping 7 hours I felt really rested and got up full of energy. For the first time in a month I actually felt like working. I had to work today as I had to hand in a final version of a paper for the MMNS 2003 conference in Belfast, where I am going in september. For dinner I had a guest, one of my most eager blog readers, my graduate student Mikael Drugge and after that I planned to go down town to listen to the Gültzau rock festival, but I got stuck with some emailing and landed in the sofa before the TV with a laptop, surfing and watching bad movies.

Women, cannot live with them and you cannot export them all to Siberia. Although I sometimes wish that was possible. Wouldn’t it make life easier???? Perhaps a bit more boring, but still much easier.

Waiting, one can wait for many things. The worst type of waiting is when you don’t know when it is going to happen. Soon? Right now? Tonight? Tomorrow? When? I am currently waiting for a phone call that I am anxious to receive. I have already been waiting for two almost two days and about an hour ago I actually got a response that I would receive the important phone call tonight. Which I guess means sometime between 19:00 and 22:00.
There is a swedish saying that translated says, “If you are waiting for something good, you are never waiting too long.” Well, what if you don’t know what you are going to get then? I am a rather goal oriented person so even if an answer is negative I think it is better to get it as soon as possible instead of waiting forever. Sort of, put the horse out of its misery. Well, at least I know that am going to get the call tonight.
And I need new flowers on the table as well. They look a bit “tired”.

Woke up around 09:30 and actually felt like I had slept enough for the first time in a long time. I stayed in bed and red a book when my dear friend Håkan called around 10:30 and wanted to check up on me. I really appreciate that, Håkan. Thanks!
Got up and ate two bananas for breakfast. Played with my new physical appearance change attribute for an hour and then left for the gym in high pace on my bike. Worked out a bit, took a walk around down town, biked to Kvantum and bought some food. Made lunch, ate on the porch, sat in the sun for an hour. Got to hot and went inside. Watched some movies. End of day…..
Now isn’t that pathetic….. I have to get my act together and start doing something useful.