I am feeling blue….

There is so much that has to be done at home. Is that what summer vacation is supposed to be about? Build, build, build…. ? Currently there are project for about every room in the house.
The hall needs to get the cupboards fully installed including some more shelves and a plate under it all and some painting. The walls in the stairway need to be redone. The front porch is just a big whole in the ground. The outdoor area behind the house need fixing. The drainpipe at the back needs to be fixed. All the new heating pipes needs to be painted. Another lamp in the kitchen. Wall-roof trims are needed in basically all rooms. The floor in the computer room should be changed. And much more….
And on top of it all, there is no sun, Rain…..
And on top of that, me and Tovah have a birthday party on Saturday that needs preperation.
I just want to sit and half sleep in the sun. I just wan to relax and don’t have to do anything.
Every morning I wake up with a bigger anxiety than in a long time about all the things that has to be done around the house. And this makes me tired. I know that spending energy on this makes me even more tired but I cannot stop. I tell myself to stop but I just cannot. I have been back from the states for a week now and basically nothing has been done. We have moved some wood piles, and put up a wardrobe. That is all.
Thinking about it, I am not tired at all. I am dejected. I feel like I don’t care anymore. There is so much to do so I cannot see the end of it. So what is the point in doing anything at all?
So what do I want to do then? I have no clue. I think I am just going to sit here and stare at the wall.

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